Why do moms shame other moms?

I never understood the concept of mom shaming, especially when its mom on mom. Before my husband and I had our son, he would often comment on other people’s parenting styles and even sometimes give them well-meaning but unsolicited advice. I would usually remind him that until we have kids of our own, he can’t really do that, and even then he probably shouldn’t.

Now I’m not saying that you have to agree with every parent out there, or that you should compare your parenting style to others. But to vocally disagree in a rude, condescending, or unproductive way is just uncalled for. Often we are just seeing a snapshot of that parent and child’s day and making a judgement on how they handle any one situation just isn’t productive.

My first encounter with mom shamming happened while I was at the grocery store. My son and I were walking through the store him in the cart. While stopping for some milk I noticed he was interested in another kid in a cart near us. I smiled at the other little boy and his mom and continued to shop. However, as I passed her, I heard her say “Yes sweetie, that’s another little baby, a little baby with no socks on in this cold, cold store…” I was shocked. I just said back “Oh yes we forgot our socks today” and moved on.

At first I just brushed it off, but as I shopped it started to bother me more and more. Why should this other mother care that my baby wasn’t wearing socks? It was warm outside, my son wasn’t bothered or cold, he was in the cart not walking on the floor (at this point he wasn’t even crawling), and even if I had put socks on him he would have ripped them off anyways.

As far as mom shaming goes this was a pretty innocent encounter. But why do moms do this? Especially as a first-time mom I find that I am often feeling so unsure about my decisions and constantly worried that I am messing up. Add in the pressure to impress the other moms around you, the burden to be a “perfect” mom can be enormous.

You are never going to be able to please everyone. If growing up with social media has taught me anything it’s that certain people will find a reason to complain about anything. This mom made a comment about my kids lack of socks, another might have mentioned my lack of cart cover, and if I had those things another still might have said I am being too overprotective why don’t I let me kid be a kid. So, then what should you do? My answer, whatever is best for your family. Only you know your family best and will in most cases make choices that are best for them. This isn’t to say you will never make mistakes but in my experience most parents don’t actively try to make mistakes. In most cases I feel like parents’ shame other parents who are simply handling situations differently than they would have.